This is a post I've been wanting to write for some time.
Pretty much since James was born.
While I was pregnant, I struggled.
I'm so incredibly grateful that I wasn't as sick as some women get, I mean my life wasn't threatened and I wasn't put on bed rest and I was so thankful to be pregnant.
I don't know what it is about nausea and morning sickness, but it drains you.
It's like the dementor of pregnancy.
You begin to believe you will never be healthy again and like there's no joy left in the world!
When you're that sick, it's hard to be excited about having a baby.
I remember my dad was really concerned that I was going to be a detached mom.
He kept saying that when the baby was born, I'd instantly fall in love with it.
But I didn't have some huge love at first sight moment.
It was so different from that.
It came quietly.
Almost gently.
I looked at him and the love gracefully settled into my heart, like remembering.
It felt natural, as if he had always been a part of my life and I had always loved him.
I thought "Oh, yes. James. I know you. And I have loved you with everything in me since before I can remember."
I imagine, and hope, it will be like that with all of my children.
I've always felt this immense love in my heart that I used to want more than anything to share with someone, and it just feels like with each life I add to mine, I'm giving that love a name.
First was Larry, and now I've added the name James.
And he's perfect.
His smile is sweet and infectious.
I've heard a lot of moms say that it was love at first sight with their babies.
I don't like that, "love at first sight" it connotes that the love wasn't already there.
That it had a beginning.
It wasn't like that for me.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
Less Than Three,
Sarah
